Damon's reasons
by fallenfairy4
Summary: Damon knew of Elena, long before Stefan did. In fact, Damon had been dreaming of her since he was human. Yes, he turned for Elena, so he could meet her one day


Disclaimer: Still don't own TVD (*snaps fingers* shucks man)

AN: AU Damon/Elena

Please review. Pretty, pretty please…with a cherry on top? This literally just poured out of me. I think the characters may be a little AU, but it goes with the tone of my story I think. I rushed the ending a little bit, because I was just so excited and wanted to share this with you guys as soon as possible. Enjoy, and seriously, please review!

Summary: Damon knew of Elena, long before Stefan did. In fact, Damon had been dreaming of her since he was human. Yes, he turned for Elena, so he could meet her one day.

He never told anyone the real reason behind his transformation oh so long ago. It wasn't because he couldn't control his bloodlust …even though Stefan had waved the fresh, warm body in front of his face like the biblical red apple. It certainly wasn't for said brother, even though he told Stefan he'd stick around, if only to ensure him a lifetime of misery. And it wasn't even for a woman named Katherine, who had poisoned his mind and his very blood with poisonous promises.

And now, as Elena stands in his brother's embrace and not his, all Damon wants to do is tell her. He may be a monster now, but he became one for her.

Waiting. All he'd been doing for the last 10 hours was waiting. Waiting to die… He was so determined to die honorably, not to complete the transition into a demon. It was only decades later that he realized even in death, he was trying to win his father's approval. Finally he felt himself nodding off, the green-green grass and colorless lake in front of him blurring. Before giving himself over to darkness, he felt a flash of worry, wondering if he'd ever open his eyes again. But ultimately, the pull of sleep was stronger than his worry…and Damon let himself go. He had nothing left to live for anyway, Katherine had never loved him, and she was dead now anyway. And so was he …almost.

_Fog surrounds him, but it's not the grey stuff that he's familiar with. The only word to describe this stuff with is "fluff"….and it's everywhere. Thin, transparent fluff floating through the air, surrounding, but never touching him so that all he sees is white. A figure emerges slowly, haltingly. Damon squints to see her better. How he knows it's a "she" he doesn't question…he just accepts that he __**knows**__ it, feels it with a "muscle" he never knew he had. And then finally, when the figure is close enough for Damon to see, he lets out a tremulous whisper._

"_Katherine…?"_

_But even though it shouldn't be a question, because this girl wearing what looks like men's clothing is the __**exact**__ replica of Katherine…it is. There's something about this girl that's off. Off, because as he watches one lone, crystal teardrop fall from her face and drop towards the earth, all Damon can think about is taking her into his arms. With Katherine, all Damon could think about was tangling the linens in her bed. He never, not once, had the urge to comfort Katherine. In fact, crying women had always made Damon uncomfortable, and that's what this Katherine-look alike was doing, she was crying._

_He found that he couldn't move. In fact, he had been frozen this whole time. The fog-like fluff was starting to dissipate and finally Damon could discern his surroundings. _

_Keeping the girl in his peripheral gaze, Damon turned his head to look around. Why he was shocked, he didn't know but finding himself in the Mystic Falls cemetery was the last thing he expected. Yet… it was different. More slate colored tombstones littered the grassy fields than he remembered. Some looked brand new, while others lay in almost complete disarray. There were more flowers present, and when he actually read one of the headstones, Damon's heart jumped. __**2009**__? Maybe that explained the girl's strange clothing… _

_The girl hadn't noticed him. He watched her walk towards two headstones a little apart from all the others. She sat down, leaning against the headstone on the right, and stretching her legs out. The fog had almost completely cleared now and had somehow turned into a fine mist of rain. Katherine's twin looked up towards the sky, and a look of annoyance crossed her face. He could see the girl's face much clearer now, and Damon found that calling her "girl" was accurate. She looked to be a year or two younger than Katherine, making her 16, 17 tops. _

_Willing his legs to move, Damon found he actually could. Maybe in this strange dream world all he had to do was will something for it to happen…a dangerous concept in front of a maiden so lovely. Suddenly, the girl looked up at him, with an expression that made Damon think she had somehow read his mind. He slowed his footsteps, but continued walking over the thick grass to reach her. The girl said nothing as Damon came to a stop right in front of her. She simply craned her neck up to look at him. Damon felt awkward, and he hadn't felt awkward in well….forever really. He expected her to talk he realized, maybe scream at the strange man rising out of the fog, or at least ask him his name. He has a feeling that this girl's ability to surprise him wouldn't be a one-time deal._

_She's still staring at him, a calm but melancholy look on her face. She looks __**so**__ young, and her frame is thinner than he's used to. Actually, her face is bordering on gaunt, and she's pale. Something inside him breaks, this little dove should never look so sad. He opens his mouth, and surprises himself at what he chooses to say._

"_What's your name?" A few seconds go by, and Damon watches intently as the girl licks her lips before clearing her throat._

"_Elena. My name is Elena …Gilbert."_

_Her voice is surprisingly sweet, with a raspy edge to it. How a voice could be sweet and raspy at the same time Damon didn't know, but hers was. It reminded him of some kind of succulent tropical fruit, drenched in sticky honey. The kind that squirts when you bite into it, dripping its liquid down your fingers until you have no choice but to lick it all up. _

"_You look sad," Elena says simply. There's no pity in her voice, but curiosity, like it's __**wrong**__ for him to be sad. He's still standing, towering over her hunched up form. She's hugging her knees to her chest, and Damon decides its endearing. She's endearing. Her statement is all the invitation Damon needs, and he sits down across from her, so he can watch her face._

"_Well, I am dying Elena." She blinks and furrows her eyebrows, like she's trying to understand some difficult math problem. It's endear… yeah he can't call this girl endearing again. His masculinity won't allow it. _

"_But, you don't have to…" Elena guesses. Damon's eyebrows shoot up in bewilderment. How did she know …but he shrugs his shoulders. Weirder stuff has happened in his dreams before. But looking at the girl, at Elena, Damon admits that there's nothing unreal about her. In fact, the way she's making him feel …well Damon has never felt this alive before. Maybe that's why he doesn't like to see her looking so sad._

"_You look sad too, you know" _

_Her head falls back against the tombstone she's leaning against. "My parents are dead." Damon's breathe catches. He knows what it's like to lose a parent. Soon he's going to know what it feels like to lose everything. Elena lifts her head and stares into his eyes. It's ridiculous that he feels his skin actually __**heat**__ up. She's still staring into his eyes, and he can't look away, doesn't want to. She's searching for something. Her eyes soften, but she doesn't smile. The girl looks almost sad…knowing. He can't take it._

"_What year is this," he asks … anything to distract her and get that despondent look off her face. Elena laughs then, and the sound startles him. It's like bells ringing, and all that pansy stuff he can't __**believe**__ he's actually thinking. He never thought this stuff about Katherine. Then again, he was usually too busy plotting on how to get her naked, not that it was difficult… The thought naturally brings him to thinking about Elena naked, and he feels himself actually start to drool. She's still laughing and all Damon can do is stare, open-mouthed at her. He can't get the image out of his head now. Him … and Elena …naked…on a bed … or maybe a green field. Limbs entangled. Elena's body…moist ….and flushed. He can't even think in complete sentences, but she's saying something to him now. _

"_It's 2009, Damon." The smile lingers on Elena's face, before she leans forward and rearranges her long limbs. She's sitting Indian style across from him, looking at him intently again. "I have to go soon," Elena whispers._

"_Wait! You can't just," but Damon pauses, at a loss for words. She __**can't**__ leave, she just can't. Her leaving him is simply unacceptable, and Damon feels his heart actually pound in what he can only guess is fear. Elena gathers her bag, and ambles up to her feet. He almost trips trying to spring to his own. There are tears glimmering in her eyes, and he can't help himself. Damon takes a step forward and wipes the tear off her cheek, leaving his palm moist with her sadness._

"_Elena, when can I see you again?" Somehow, he knows with that invisible "muscle" of his that she's the one with all the answers here. He can't even pretend to understand what's happening, what's happening to every particle and atom in his body. The drizzle has now turned into a downpour. Pulling on her arm, Damon drags Elena to shelter under a willow tree. She's warm in his arms, and dazedly Damon thinks that her tears match the rain. _

_Elena shakes her head, but doesn't pull out of Damon's embrace. The world around them is non-existent. The rush of the rain and the leaves of the willow have created a bubble, a shield for them. "This is only a dream Damon. I'm not real." But she looks uncertain._

"_Don't say that! I'm holding you; I'm feeling you right now in my arms. You're warm, Elena."_

"_You don't understand," Elena whimpers._

"_Then make me understand." He can't help pulling her a little closer into his body. He feels desperate, like she'll disappear into the haze that just moments ago occupied his whole field of vision. Her expression is tortured, pained. Damon cups her delicate face in his palms as gently as he can, he imagines cupping her very heart. _

"_You'd have to wait …a very long time."_

_It dawns on him them. "2009," he whispers._

"_Yes, yes!" Elena looks down, but he won't let her. He tilts her chin up, and looks into her eyes. He barely knows her, but his heart feels like its growing when she looks at him like this. Her eyes are so tender, so soft. No one has ever looked at him like this, and it's a gift. It hits him, low in his gut when he realizes that he'd do anything for Elena._

"_I'll be there." His voice is low and husky, but uncertainly isn't there, only longing. _

"_You'll be lonely, Damon. You won't be who you are right now." So she __**does**__ know things. Apparently, unpleasant things about his future, no wonder she'd looked at him with so much despondency before. It shocks him, but he doesn't give a fuck, not in the slightest. _

"_Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." Elena sighs and rests her head against his chest. He lets his head lay against her espresso-colored hair. Her tresses smell like their sugarcoated. He can only imagine what her skin tastes like…_

"_I won't remember you, Damon. I won't remember this." _

_Bringing her face away from his chest, Damon looks Elena right in the eyes. "I'll be there, Elena. I'll remember, and I'll make you fall in love with me." _

_A tear cascades down her face. "Fall in love with you again, you mean."_

_The breath leaves his body, like he's been punched in the gut, but in a good way. He has to kiss her, he leans in … but something's wrong?_

"_Damon!"_

_She's fading, and so is he… She's dissipating, right out of his arms. "Elena!" He can barely feel her, and her face is thinning. She looks broken, he feels desperate. "I'll wait for you, Elena!"_

"_Damon, I love you!"_

"_Elena," He's choking. "I'll find you, I promise. In 2009, I'll be there!" He gets one last look into her beautiful eyes before she's gone, and he's awake._

Panting, Damon sits up. He's facing the lake again, he's still transitioning …

"Damon."

Wildly, Damon turns towards the voice. His brother, looking more deranged than he's ever seen him, is holding a bleeding girl by the neck. Obviously, Stefan had fed. Like a ton of bricks, it hits Damon; he's going to turn into a monster now too. But as Stefan pushes the warm, bleeding body in front of him, Damon doesn't care. He'll do anything to be with Elena, but he doesn't tell Stefan that. Elena is his, his beautiful secret to cherish. He doesn't tell Stefan anything at all. He eagerly licks up the crimson juice; he's one step closer to Elena. All he has to do now is wait.

Over the years he's dreamt of her. He's dreamt of her often, repeatedly, relentlessly. But still, in none of the dreams was he actually _**with**_ Elena. He can't explain it, but he knows their meeting was their first and last. Every dream of her after has just been a typical dream, Damon's longing for her overflowing and being brought up to the surface so to speak. Dreaming of her is a torture and a delight …but mostly a torture because every time his heart leaps with hope. He's always disappointed. Elena's not even alive yet, hell her grandparents aren't even alive yet. Sometimes, he's tormented with dreams of being too late.

_He's standing in the back of a church. It's hot. The kind of hot that comes with too many perspiring bodies herded into one place. Hundreds of delicate white flowers are covering almost every surface available. Frankly, the saccharine smell is giving him a headache. Music swells from his left, and automatically Damon turns towards it. _

_The girl, __**his**__ girl emerges … wearing a white dress. Damon dies., he literally feels like he's dying. He can't breathe; spots are swimming in front of him. Because he isn't the man standing at the end of the altar Elena is practically floating towards. Staggering, Damon manages to take a couple steps forward, his legs feeling heavier than lead. Opening his mouth, he tries to scream her name, but she turns before he can manage it. Damon Salvatore almost faints._

_Her beautiful, beautiful face is rotting. The skin of her face is literally decaying before his eyes. "Elena!" Damon reaches for her, but she falls back._

"_You've done this to me, Damon. You're actions have condemned me!"_

"_No!" He's screaming, and the church around them erupts into flames. The very foundation of the church is crumbling. The ground is collapsing beneath his feet, as if hell itself were opening up to swallow him. He looks up at Elena. She's screaming, as fire lights the tip of her white dress on fire. "ELENA!" But he can't move he's completely immobilized._

"_You've done this to me! You're nothing but a monster!" Damon can do nothing but howl, falling to his knees as Elena's whole body ignites._

He wakes up emptying the contents of his stomach. He didn't know it was possible for vampires to actually purge up blood.

Tick-tock… tick-tock.

The antique clock drones on steadily.

It's 1940 now, well in ten more minutes anyway. He's spent the last year doing nothing besides literally watching the clock. His skin has long since decayed; he's been punishing himself since that dream. Even though he knows that hasn't happened to his Elena, he's doing penance anyway. Like somehow, his suffering will make a difference, protect Elena in some way. After awakening, Damon had actually prayed. The monster had prayed, only for Elena would he ever engage in such an action. He promised God he'd suffer, if only He spared Elena. His thinking is loose, distant. But Damon remembers he promised God a year without blood. The clock chimes midnight, and Damon looks at the blood-bag resting next to him. He looks back at the clock; better make it one more year, just to be safe. He closes his eyes and hopes to dream of her, beautiful dreams this time…

_She's swimming. It's nighttime, but the moon is so large and swollen that Damon can make out her silhouette. Dear, God. Only two coherent thoughts are running on repeat through his brain … 'Dear God,' and 'Thank you.' _

_The only sounds he can hear are the waves crashing against the shore, and Elena's heavy breathing. Damon can't help it; he thinks he'd like to make her breathe heavier. She isn't aware of his presence yet, she's still floating … looking like a sensual mermaid he'd heard sailors lament about. _

_Already, Damon can tell that this is not a __**real**__ dream; this is just an ordinary one like all the others. She's not really here with him. Still, __**this**__ Elena is naked … in translucent water. He'll be damned if he doesn't take advantage of the situation. Not making a sound, Damon undresses, all the while watching Elena swim leisurely across the water's surface. He's not sure where they are…someplace exotic, tropical perhaps. He really doesn't care, all he cares about is that Elena is here; even though she isn't really __**here …**__it's better than nothing. The smell of night-blooming jasmine permeates the air, but as Damon catches a glimpse of her naked thigh…well it's not the jasmine that's making him lightheaded. _

_Stalking his prey like the predator he is, Damon dives under the water's surface. Water unbelievably clear and refreshing engulfs him, making his mission all the easier. Still underwater, he's at last close enough to touch her, and Damon can see __**everything**__. Her body makes him feel deranged. He knows he's a vampire … but all he wants to do is drop down to his fucking __**knees**__ and howl like a motherfucker at the moon. Even in the darkness, Elena's body shimmers. Her wet, long limbs are gloriously tan and smooth. She's thin, but still looks soft, her femininity impossible to ignore. Not touching her isn't an option. If he doesn't touch that edible looking skin of hers, he'll fucking die. Besides, it's his dream. And since it's his dream, he reaches with one arm and grasps a dainty looking ankle with his hand. She flails, and Damon lets go and rises to break the surface and greet Elena. Oooo, her boobs …. He breaks the surface faster than a missile, splattering ocean everywhere._

_Elena is gasping in shock, and trying to keep only her head above the water. Unfortunately for her, and fortunately for him, the water is still transparent. She's not hiding much. Funny, Damon had never realized before how much he loves the tropics; it seems like an obvious thing._

"_Who are you, what do you think you're __**doing**__?" Elena is practically spluttering; she's almost sinking in the water, trying to preserve her modesty. _

_With a wicked grin, Damon moves in closer. Elena's eyes widen comically, she's giving him a 'deer caught in headlights' look. Her hair skims the waterline, looking like espresso foam. Tangling a finger through it, he leans down to her eyelevel, so he can look __**straight**__ into her luminous eyes. Elena jumps a little in surprise, and he's an ass to notice her cleavage correspondingly jiggle. He'd say it was endearing, but honestly it's just sexy as hell. That deer in headlights look she's giving him is unbelievably adorable though. _

_The air grows thick and chunky between them, as the space between their bodies lessens. He can feel her breath heating the outsides of his lips. His poor, parched, __**aching**__ lips. Breathing shallowly, Elena's eyes flicker down to his mouth before licking her own. Damon groans. "Elena…"_

"_I shouldn't…I don't…know you." Her voice is low and husky with what he knows is want. _

"_You do," Damon reassures. "Or you will, does it matter which?" Her pupils dilate, and she snaps her eyes back to his gaze. Trembling, womanly lips open…_

"_Damon," she whispers._

"_Yes," he hisses dragging her body towards his. Elena's body is wet and cool and he __**molds**__ it to his own. He imagines pouring her all over him, and not releasing her until she's casted to his body, like some kind of concrete after it dries (forever adhered to his skin). He dips his tongue into her wet, cool mouth. She tastes like water. Dipping his head, he gets a better angle and feels her lips suck against his own. Their limbs entangle, his arms are locked around her. Elena moans, and he hears __**and**__ feels the sound._

"_Damon!" but her voice is wrong, it's too soft, too thin. _

_Damon opens his eyes, his stomach clenching in dread. She's disappearing, just like before. He only has time to whisper a strangled, "Elena!"_

Waking up alone has become routine. Still, Damon can't help punching his fist through a mirror. It doesn't hurt.

Decades go by, with similar dreams haunting him. As a result, he grows nastier. Just like Elena had warned him. He's changed, but he can't help it. He's so lonely without her, and he's so angry that she's taunting him. Tormenting him with dreams so vivid, sometimes he swears he can feel her. Damon wonders if he's just crazy, especially when he thinks he sees her everywhere.

_He's never been around so many high school students before. They're all…dancing and happy. It makes him grimace, he doesn't __**do**__ peppy. Poodle skirts and leather jackets are abundant, but Damon can tell it's fake. It's actually the 1980's, they must be doing some kind of 'blast from the past' theme for their school dance. It's when he realizes that he has no desire to drain any of the warm bodies surrounding him that Damon realizes, he's dreaming. Damn, you'd think he'd be used to it by now, after almost 140 years of dreaming about her. He hurriedly looks around, he wants as much time with Elena as he can get. But, she's not here. Following his gut, Damon leaves the auditorium, or whatever you call this over-sized room, and steps out into the abandoned hallway._

_The music becomes fainter as Damon prowls down the halls. It's almost like he's in a trance, following some kind invisible pathway only his mind can see. He knows it will lead him to her. Taking a final turn, he finds her. She's sitting on the squeaky clean floor, leaning against an uncomfortable-looking locker. _

_Elena looks up, and regards him with little surprise. "Oh good, you're here."_

_Wordlessly, he sits down. All he wants to do is drag her into his arms, but he can't. Although he knows it's impossible, this feels more like Elena's dream than his own. Somehow she's controlling everything._

"_I think we need to talk, Damon." She's looking sterner that he's used to. But still, her eyes are pretty soft. She reminds him of a parent trying to discipline a beloved child. Warmth spreads from his chest to his toes. It's so good to look into her toffee colored eyes._

_Sighing, Elena chews on her bottom lip. "It's almost time now. Just a couple more years and…"_

"

_And you'll be born," Damon finishes for her. Even he can hear the yearning coating his voice._

_Elena just looks at him for a minute. He eats up her gaze. "You've changed, just like I knew you would," Elena mummers. She looks down, playing with her fingers._

_His voice is rough, he swallows. "It's been so hard, Elena."_

"_I know, Damon. I __**know**__."_

"_But nothing's changed, if anything my love for you has grown. It's so big and deep now, I swear it's swallowing me whole." For the life of him, he doesn't understand why she looks even sadder now. She's sniffling for Christ's sakes! "Elena," he leans over, wanting to touch her face. But she turns her face away. A slap would have felt better._

"_You don't understand! It's not over!"_

_He can only stare at her, he doesn't understand. Sighing, Elena pushes her hair off her face, before collecting herself and calmly folding her hands. "Even when we finally meet, for real…there's still going to be more challenges." Elena's looking at him intently, willing for her words to sink in, and they do. _

"_Ok," Damon says._

"_What?"_

"_Ok. What else is there for me to say? You think after all these years, I'm just going to give you up?" He scoffs, and watches hope, unwillingly blossom upon her face. "I think you'll find I'm not easily shaken off, Elena." She smiles at him then, and the sun is rising. He feels like he's been dipped in gold, she makes him feel that valuable, just by smiling at him. _

_She's fading, and he hasn't even gotten to touch her…but it's ok. She's smiled at him, made him feel like a good man. She only gets one more whisper in, before they're both fading into nothingness. _

"_Don't say I didn't warn you. But please, hold on to me Damon…"_

The day she's born, Damon's in the hospital. He waits breathlessly in the shadows, not letting anyone see him. When he hears Elena's newborn wails, he feels his heart explode. He's just been born too.

Watching her grow up is both joyful and painful. He wants Elena to enjoy her childhood, especially since he knows she's going to lose her parents soon enough. So, he stays hidden… a silent observer. He can't believe how jealous he gets when Matt presses his lips to Elena's, giving Elena her first kiss.

Somehow it all goes wrong. His brother, his own brother, gets to her first. Damon's seething in rage and jealousy. And finally, final-ly when he's face to face with the real Elena, she doesn't recognize him. Sure, there's a spark, and he can tell that's she more than a little intrigued but still, it hurts. But, she did warn him. He's not giving up, Elena's more than worth the pain.

She sees a monster, and to be fair …he is. But she's changing him, slowly. And it turn, she's softening towards him, slowly. And their friendship, her faith in his goodness, is more beautiful than any dream he's ever had about her. He doesn't care if it takes him forever to win her, he's winning her. That's all that matters.

After a year of struggling to find his humanity, Elena comes to him. She's crying.

"I broke up with Stefan."

He feels his jaw drop. Is it wrong for him to be smiling right now? Elena walks towards him, and Damon feels that "muscle" of his clench in knowledge. The muscle he'd first felt so long ago. It took him a while to figure out that the "muscle" was actually his heart. He knows. This is it, she's about to become his.

"I've been struggling for so long, Damon."

"Struggling with what?" He knows he should be patient and let the girl talk, but seriously he can't wait. He has been waiting for like 150 years now. He thinks he deserves a break.

"Struggling with the memories..." Elena takes a deep breath and then steps right on up into his body space. He's got no problem with it. In fact, that look in her eye is making Damon want to strip her naked, and rub against her like a purring cat.

"But I remember now."

He's breathless. "What do you remember, my love?"

"You."

And just like that, she throws herself into his arms and he's home. She's his home.

"I'm so sorry, Damon! So sorry it took me so long to remember." Cupping his face in her delicate hands, Elena looks deep into his eyes before whispering, "I love you."

There's nothing left to say. So, Damon picks her up and climbs the stairs. He's going to show her how much he loves her. How long he's been waiting for her.

The end.


End file.
